Dan Oliver will write for food

Image credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lisaconnolly/

The image above, and pictures like it, are becoming commonplace across the suburban streets of England. World Cup fever is sweeping the nation, and the battle to become the ULTIMATE ENGLAND FAN is one that many people are taking a little too seriously.

So, in a bid to try and ease any neighbourly tensions that may arise over the coming weeks, I've devised this handy points system, which should help settle disputes over who can claim the title of 'The King of the Chavs Flags'.

So, without further ado, here's the scoring table:

• Flag on car/van/bicycle etc.: 5 pts each
• England hat: 5 pts
• England cuddly toy: 5 pts
• England bunting: 15 pts
• England flag hung from window: 10 pts each
• England flag attached to house with secure fittings: 20 pts
• England tattoo (must have footballing reference): -15 pts (It's really not cool!)
• England poster in window (tabloids will be packed with these): 1 pt

I'll be happy to ammend the list, should anyone come up with any new additions. Also, it would be great to produce an archive of photos. So please send in any pics you take, and I'll come up with some kind of prize for the highest point scorer.

Just email your photos to journo@gmail.com, and I'll add the best pics to this post.

Happy hunting!

A few weeks back I attended my first SXSWi in Austin, Texas, and it was a blast! If I had to sum up my experience in three words, they would be: geeks; meat; beer. (See what I did there?)

I met some brilliant people, attended some OK parties, and ate my weight in cow. SXSWi 2010 also played host to the first .net magazine panel: 'Is WordPress killing web design?'

There was a mixed reaction to the panel, but it gave me the chance to meet four people I have a huge amount of respect for: Brendan Dawes (@brendandawes); Dan Mall (@danielmall); Jina Bolton (@jina); and Shane Mielke (@shanemielke), one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. Anyway, you can check out highlights below.

I thoroughly enjoyed the event, loved Austin and it's people, and I can't wait for 2011!

I'm no doubt just another doting father, blinded by paternal bias, but I'm completely blown away by our 18-month-old's first crack at fingerpainting. Makes me want to have a go myself, and stick a metaphorical middle finger up to my horror-show of an art teacher, who killed any enthusiasm I may have had for the subject. Bit of advice kids: never let your teacher overhear that you think they're a bit shit at the subject they're teaching.

Haha, what a wag I am. Of course, it was me that had the pleasure of meeting Stephen Fry, not the other way round - as my HILARIOUS headline suggests.

Stephen was gracious enough to accept an Award from .net magazine - the publication I currently edit - for 'Web personality of the year'. He was a consummate pro, did it in one take, and was then good enough to sit down with me for a fairly lengthy interview (which will be appearing in issue 200 of .net).

Anyway, if you'd like to see a hungover Stephen Fry accepting an Award from a bald magazine editor, simply check out the video below.

As a kid, I did a few illegal things. I'm not going to reveal all of them here, but I will make one shameful revelation: between 1985 and 1992 I borrowed albums from my local library, recorded them on my tape-to-tape, and then returned them to the library. Over time I built up a large collection of utterly illegal music. The librarian knew I recorded music illegally, but at no point was there any talk of revoking my membership; it was accepted. And, during my period of flagrant copyright infringement, I'm pretty sure that the music industry was doing OK whilst my illegitimate activity continued unchecked.
Fast-forward to 2009 (where, by my reckoning, I've now spent around £3,000 on CDs), and Peter Mandelson - a man who billed the taxpayer for nearly £3,000 of work on his constituency home shortly after announcing his decision to stand down as an MP - is getting tough on file-sharers, with proposals that repeat offenders have their net connections cut off. Your kids download music or movies without your knowledge? You get cut off. You inadvertently leave an access point open, and someone downloads illegal files? You get cut off. This proposal is simply unworkable, and former digital enhancement minister Tom Watson says Mandleson's regressive, tide-halting antics are akin to those of Cnut the Great. That's close enough.

This intro first appeared in the October 2009 issue (194) of .net magazine, the world's best-selling publication for web designers and developers.